|
The enemies
of religion and in particular of the Catholic Church often maintain that
the Church has failed in her mission to make men virtuous, because even among
Catholics there are many that lead immoral lives. And some go even so far
as to see in this a proof that religion is incapable of making men moral.
The fallacy of such reasoning lies, of course, in ascribing to religion those
moral failures who disregard her precepts and who neglect to use the means
of practicing virtue that she enjoins. The same fallacious reasoning is used
in regard to the home. The home has failed, it is said, to take care of its
members during their leisure hours; it does not offer recreational facilities
enough, especially for young people. And as our young people will seek diversion
and amusement in improper places if we do not provide wholesome entertainment
for them, we must have Catholic clubs and social centers where they can recreate
themselves in a harmless manner.
A Matter of Training
Those of our social
workers and sociologists who reason thus evidently overlook the fact that
there is an endless variety of not only innocent but also beneficial amusements
that may be had in the home; and furthermore that it is just as possible,
by proper and timely education, to educate people to seek their recreation
mainly at home, because of the priceless advantages that home life offers,
as it is to induce them to patronize Catholic community centers in preference
to the more alluring public places of amusement.
Such, then, is the purpose of this chapter--to ripen the conviction in the
reader that home life should be cultivated on principle by every member of
the family; since home life is an indispensable means of obtaining in full
measure the blessings of religion in the home and the true happiness and
welfare of the entire family.
I.
A Plain Duty
In every perfect
society, it is the duty of the members to further the purpose of the society.
Now the family is a perfect society, whose object is to promote the temporal
and above all the eternal welfare of its members. Hence it is the duty of
each member of the family to do his share towards the attainment of that
end, even at the cost of some sacrifice or of some inconvenience to himself.
No member of the family has a right to shirk his duty toward the rest. No
member of the family stands alone and is simply free to live his own life
without any regard for the others. But the proper fulfillment of each one's
respective duty towards the other members of the family necessarily demands
the spending of a certain amount of time at home in the family circle.
The Parents' Part
Upon the father,
as head of the family, naturally devolves the first duty of fostering home
life by his example as well as by providing reasonable recreational facilities,
and, if need be, also by using his authority to prevent unreasonable or excessive
gadding abroad. Yet, though the father has the greater authority to safeguard
home life, the mother, as the mistress of the home, has the greater
opportunities; and hers, therefore, should also be the chief care in fostering
a deep-seated love of the home and binding all members of the family by invisible
ties to the paternal hearth. Indeed, the mother is the real center of attraction,
the very heart of the Christian home. Because the care of the children and
the superintending, if not always the actual performance, of the household
tasks requires her presence, the home is the mother s natural abode, and,
with but rare exceptions, her ordinary sphere of action.
A Mother's First Care
It is true, the
practice of many women and mothers of our day seems to indicate that women
have a much wider field of action than that circumscribed by the limits of
the household. Yet that does not alter the fact that woman's natural place
is the home, and that, ordinarily, she should not engage in any work, not
even of a social or political nature, incompatible with the performance of
her duties to her family. (See Pope Pius XI's quote on Mothers Who Work Away
from Home.) As the great Jesuit authority on moral philosophy, Victor Cathrein,
says: "To give her children a good education and to maintain a well regulated
household, must always be woman's first care." And lest it be thought that
this is an outworn doctrine that must be rejected because of changed conditions,
and that woman must needs adapt herself to the times, he continues: "Far
from estranging her more and more from this mission, as it must be regretted
has hitherto been done in consequence of modern industry and modern ideas,
one should aim to regain for her in its entirety the place that she occupied
in former times. The foundation of domestic happiness is a virtuous, pious,
diligent woman, who loves order, and who possesses the gift of making her
husband attached to his family and of educating her children to be good citizens
and good Christians" ("Moral Philosophy," Book II, p. 384-5).
Exceptional Cases
It cannot be denied
that there may be circumstances in which individual women may very properly
widen the field of their activities, either for their own advantage, the
advancement of women's interests, or for the welfare of the public in general.
But these will be, for the most part, women without families, or such whose
children no longer need a mother's care; and with women thus circumstanced
I am not here concerned.
But if woman's chief concern is the proper education of her children and
the care of domestic affairs her presence in the home is indispensable. Or
how can a mother fulfill her sacred duties towards her young children if
she is rarely with them? If she is frequently absent from home or if she
leaves the children almost entirely in the care of a nurse or maid, how can
she guide their childish steps aright, mould their tender hearts to virtue,
and administer the necessary admonitions, reproofs, and punishment? For the
words of Holy Writ are still as true as they were of old: "The rod and reproof
give wisdom, but the child that is left to his own will bringeth his mother
to shame" (Prov. 29, 15).
Big Brothers and Sisters
In as far, too,
as the assistance of the older children may be helpful or necessary in the
care of domestic affairs, the mother not only may but should require it.
The training of the children is indeed the mother's duty; but just because
it is her duty, she has the right to demand the assistance of the elder children
in order that that duty may be properly performed. She has the right to demand
that they remain at home to help her take care of the younger children, to
aid them with their tasks, or merely to keep them company and entertain them
so that they will be content to remain at home. Why is it that sometimes
even the very young children are anxious to get away from home, except that
most of the other members of the family are out and the children are deprived
of the companionship they crave? It is above all at nighttime, and in particular
for the adolescent boys and girls, that the home is truly a haven of safety
to shield them at least for a time from the dangers of the outside world;
and parents may become guilty of grievous sin, if they are grossly negligent
in keeping their children at home at night to shield them from evil companions
and other occasions of sin.
But even for the elder children, home life is a necessity for the proper
development and safeguarding of their spiritual life; and this all the more
if they are old enough to be obliged to work and are in consequence exposed
to the evil influences of the outside world. Or, indeed, how can they benefit
by the practice of family prayer, if they do not take regularly even one
meal a day with the entire family when grace is said in common, and if they
are never at home in the evening to join in the recitation of the litany
or rosary? How will they devote any time to Catholic reading, and how can
they be beneficially affected by the Catholic atmosphere of the home, if
almost the only time they spend there is spent in bed?
Weakening the Family Circle
But the frequent
absence of the elder children from the family circle not only deprives them
of the benefits of family prayer, good reading, and a Catholic atmosphere,
but deprives also the other members of the family of the benefit of their
company and their good example. By absenting themselves from home, they weaken
the family circle and make it harder for the rest to profit by the advantages
of the Catholic home. If the older children would stay at home, it would
be easier for the rest to stay and devote a little time to family prayer
and Catholic reading. Their very presence, their interest, and their example
would make home life more agreeable, and all would become more and more permeated
with the wholesome influence of a Catholic atmosphere. But if one brother
or sister goes out, another will want to go, too; if the elder brothers and
sisters are gone, the children will not wish to remain at home; and thus
the family is broken up and instead of a place to live in the home becomes
merely a lodging and boarding house--a place where one sleeps and perhaps
takes one or the other meal.
Modern Conditions No Excuse
No matter how common
this state of things is at present or how well satisfied people may be with
it, it is greatly to be deplored; and parents as well as children should
do their utmost to restore the home life of the family to its pristine and
normal condition. Every member of the family should be prompted to foster
home life for his own advantage, because it is for his own good to spend
the greater part of his time at home. He should be further impelled by regard
for his brothers and sisters, whom he is bound to love more than others not
so closely related, and whom he should be willing to help by his company
and good example. And lastly he should be induced by love and gratitude towards
his parents, when they desire him to remain at home; and even by obedience,
if they direct him to stay at home to take care of the children, to help
them with their tasks, or merely to entertain them.
The parents themselves are in duty bound to foster home life, because it
is an almost indispensable means for the proper Catholic rearing of their
children. It is the presence of the parents, and especially of the mother;
it is their example, their authority, their interest, and above all their
love that must knit the family together, ward off the dangers that threaten
it from without, breathe into it the true Catholic mind and Christian spirit,
and guide it to its eternal destiny. It is the Home That Counts This
old-fashioned doctrine has recently found champions in unexpected quarters--the
camp of the psychiatrists--as may be seen from an article entitled "Home
Still in Fashion," in "The Literary Digest" for October 10, 1931. Commenting
on an address to 2000 school principals in New York by Dr. Leon W. Goldrich,
director of New York City's newly established Bureau of Child Guidance of
the Board of Education, the New York Times says that it has been demonstrated
that any home, even one of contention and unkindness, is better for the child
than no home at all. "It is a doctrine which until recently demanded exceptional
courage to maintain. An age devoted to self-expression and freedom preferred
to think of the harm done by taboos and fixations, and to overlook the good
done by fathers w ho provided food and shelter and mothers who provided care."
We are now emerging from this revolt against the home, continues The Times.
"People are beginning to say generally in print what the social workers and
the officials of the juvenile courts have been saying all the time.... It
is the home that counts. Scientists are beginning to emphasize the importance
of loving care--the very thing recently abominated as the source of so many
complexes." It is almost needless to say that I do not advocate spending
all one's leisure time at home, nor maintain that one must never go away
except for very urgent reasons. There may even be homes in which the moral
conditions are so bad that it would be more advisable to spend the majority
of one's evenings away from home. But apart from such very exceptional cases,
one may safely say that home life is not fostered as it should be by those
persons who, without sufficient excuse, spend the majority of their evenings
away from home.
II.
The Causes of the Trouble
If people are to
be interested in the great social work of making the home circle flourish
once more, it is necessary for them to understand the causes of its disruption.
One of these, the expansion of industry, has already been alluded to; but
as the purpose of this book is to bring about an improvement of the Christian
home even before the reform of our present industrial system may be hoped
for, it will be more to the purpose to expatiate on other causes; and chief
among these, without doubt, is the inordinate quest of earthly pleasure.
Joy versus Pleasure
In that charming
little book, "More Joy," by Bishop Paul Wilhelm Keppler, the author points
out the important distinction between joy and pleasure. There are too many
pleasures, he says, and too little joy. Which is only another way of saying
that too many people seek happiness in things that are not conducive to true
happiness; and consequently, though they give themselves up to amusements,
to the enjoyment of sensual pleasures, they do not find true joy but merely
a temporary forgetfulness of life s burdens and sorrows. True joy consists
in contentment, in peace of heart, in the testimony of a good conscience,
in the control of one's animal instincts by reason, in the subjection of
the passions. Man being a rational and moral being, albeit an animal, cannot
find real joy in pleasures that conflict with reason and the moral law. And
that is why those people are most joyous who are content, for the most part,
to find the needed recreation in the simpler joys of the family circle. For
these joys are consistent with a good conscience, whereas the pleasures that
are the usual offering of public places of amusement can frequently not be
indulged in without either searing one's conscience or at least exposing
oneself to grave moral danger.
The Lure of the Gang
If I should be
asked to state in particular what pleasures tempt different members of the
family to spend their evenings away from home, I should say that in the case
of young men, and especially those still in their "teens," it is mainly the
pleasures found in the company of the "gang." By the gang I do not mean a
number of boys who are usually found together in their outings, nor the boys
of a neighborhood who are regular playmates in their daily games. Such gangs
hardly interfere with, and oftentimes practically coalesce with the family
circle. No, the gang that seems to me to be a menace to home life and to
the proper training of young men, is a group of boys who usually spend every
evening and the entire evening together at some place away from their homes;
and I do not hesitate to call the desire of a boy always to be with "the
gang" an inordinate desire for pleasure and a dangerous occasion of sin.
For what is the chief attraction of such company? The absence of all restraint.
They want to be alone with youths of their own age, unobserved by their parents
or teachers. They want to enjoy liberty, independence; and this liberty consists
in freedom from all restraint--from the restraint of cultured society, the
restraint of politeness, the restraint of gentlemanly deportment, the restraint
often even of Christian virtue and common decency.
Bad Influence of the Gang
But freedom from
such restraint cannot but have evil consequences for undeveloped characters,
as experience proves only too well. Where is it that vulgar words and expressions
are most commonly heard? In the company of the gang. Where is it that indelicate
stories are unblushingly told? In the company of the gang. Where is it that
obscene hints are given, suggestive remarks made, improper songs sung? Where
is it that gambling is learnt, drinking taught, disobedience, untruthfulness
and dishonesty towards parents and teachers approved and applauded? In the
company of the gang. It is the almost uninterrupted daily association with
such company in such circumstances that roughens the character and degrades
the morals of our young men. And the most natural and most effective means
of withdrawing them, at least to a great extent, from the debasing influence
of such company, is to have them spend the majority of their evenings at
home in the company of their mothers and sisters. The naturally more gentle
and more refined nature and manners of mothers and sisters are a splendid
means of leavening, of tempering, and of toning down the coarser and wilder
nature of the young man and the growing boy. And happy the boy and the young
man who submits to the influence of such companionship! That companionship,
coupled with the entire influence of a good Christian home, will go far towards
saving him from the evils of the "gang."
Girls' Sets and Parents' Clubs
No less disastrous
than the gang in disrupting the family circle is the girls' set as well as
father's and mother's clubs. The objections to be made against the girls'
set, unless its gatherings are far less frequent and properly chaperoned.
are the same as those I have made against the boys' gang. It opens the door
to unrestrained liberty and contempt of time-honored conventions for which
the less respectable element among our modern young womanhood is so justly
condemned. As to the clubs to which the parents and especially the mothers
belong, nothing craves more wary walking than these. Many a child is a stranger
to parental care and to all the blessings of home life because of its mother's
insane devotion to her club, or to what she dignifies by the name of "social
duties." There are wives and mothers who imagine themselves bound to be busy
almost everywhere except in their own homes. One afternoon or evening they
must be at their club; another afternoon, at a card party; another day, they
must attend an afternoon tea or a lecture; and still another day, a reading
or sewing circle. And thus, what with their social calls and social duties,
they are mostly absent from their homes and their own children are neglected.
Charity Begins at Home
If such mothers
would only devote themselves conscientiously to the God-given task of bringing
up and training their own children instead of attending, or even giving,
lectures on the uplift of society, society would be in a far better way than
it is at present. It may be that some of these women are at heart well- meaning
and sincere, and that, blinded by the glamour of altruistic activities, they
do not realize their mistake. But the truth of the matter is that the performance
of welfare work is often an excuse for neglecting the more confining and
more tedious household duties. No matter how good and praiseworthy it is
to practice the corporal and spiritual works of mercy, our Lord certainly
would not countenance a woman's practicing them to the neglect of her own
family. A woman's first social duty is to her own family. Let that duty be
properly attended to first, and then she may think of extending her charitable
activities abroad. Charity should begin at home.
Value of "Monies" Overestimated
A second attraction
that draws not only the young men and the young women, but even their younger
brothers and sisters away from the home at night, is the theatre, and especially
the moving picture theatre. A great deal may be said in favor of the "movie,"
not only on account of its recreational but also on account of its educational
value; yet it is my opinion that this value is greatly overrated, and that,
as far as children are concerned, whatever amount of education may be obtained
by attendance at moving pictures can be equally well obtained by other means.
In other words, I firmly believe that a child that never attended a "movie"
can, and in most cases will be, just as well educated as one that attended
"movies." It would be possible to show that whatever good is accomplished
by the "movies" (and I am speaking only of the good ones), is discounted
by the harm that they indirectly do even to the cause of education. But as
I am speaking now of the "movie" only in its relation to the home, I wish
to emphasize here merely this harmful result of attendance at the "movies,"
that it withdraws the members of the family from the sanctuary of the home,
and by developing the "movie" habit, makes it impossible for them properly
to share in the beneficial influence of Christian home life. In view of the
fact that children lose nothing worth while by rarely attending moving pictures,
and that frequent attendance almost inevitably withdraws them from one of
the best of all educational influences, that of a good Catholic home life,
it is hard to understand how thoughtful parents can be so imprudent as to
take their young children regularly to such amusements even before the latter
are old enough to attend school. But such parents usually reap the fruit
of their folly. If children become accustomed from early childhood to frequent
public places of amusement, it is not surprising that in their adolescence
they can hardly be restrained from roaming about at night.
Excessive Joy-Riding
The third great
enemy, and no doubt the greatest enemy, of home life in our day is the
automobile. As long as practically the whole family goes riding, and as long
as the outings are not too frequent, there is no objection to this means
of recreation, in particular for those families who are thereby enabled to
benefit by the advantages of a more healthy atmosphere and a more agreeable
environment. Yet it cannot be denied that the thing is overdone. In many
families the car is in constant use. The children want to be out at every
possible opportunity, and the far more valuable means of recreation to be
had at home are neglected. In other families the car is used in turn by different
members of the family. One evening it is one of the boys who has it; another
evening, one, or perhaps two, of the girls; a third evening the parents,
and thus the family circle is always incomplete and it is impossible to enjoy
the benefits of real home life. It is imperative, therefore, that parents
who aim to promote the true welfare and happiness of their children put a
stop to this excessive automobile-riding.
A Snare to Virtue
Though I am speaking
here of the automobile only in as far as its use affects home life, it may
be useful to add a word of warning to parents against permitting their son
or daughter to go riding unchaperoned with a companion of the opposite sex.
Not only Catholic priests but also non-Catholic judges and social workers
deplore such rides as the occasion of the moral downfall of countless young
men and young women. If the boy and girl are honorable and sensible, they
will welcome a third person to their party both as a means of warding off
suspicion and as a guardian of their virtue. And in order that their adolescent
boys and girls may take this sensible view of the matter, parents should
instruct and train them betimes to follow Christian and not pagan standards
of propriety in their relations with persons of the opposite sex. unless
they do this, their children will almost inevitably take their cue from what
they read in secular papers, from what they see on stage and screen, and
from what they witness in actual life; and this to their own great moral
detriment, to the disedification of their acquaintances, and oftentimes to
the tragic grief of the very parents who refused to be so old-fashioned as
to curb their children's liberty.
III.
Homes Must Be Made Attractive
What a world of
evils would disappear at one happy stroke, and what a world of good would
be accomplished, if people would only stay at home and be occupied in the
family circle! The great question is, then, how shall we induce people to
stay at home? If it is the desire for amusement, for recreation, for
companionship, that leads them abroad, how shall this desire, which is certainly
legitimate, be satisfied at home? In advocating home life, nothing is farther
from my thoughts than the desire to deprive anyone of legitimate pleasure.
Indeed, to put more real joy into men's lives, while at the same time furthering
their spiritual interests, is the very purpose and object of this book. If
I thought that it would not help to achieve this purpose, I would cast it
into the fire.
Cleanliness the First Requisite
By all means, then,
the home must be made attractive. The attractions that lure one elsewhere
must be offset by counter attractions in the home. The strongest tie that
binds one to one's home is love of home--a quality that can be developed
just the same as the habit of frequenting public amusements is developed.
Therefore, the first requisite for attracting one to one's home is that the
home the abode itself, be pleasant and inviting. Even the humblest home can
meet this requirement, at least in the interior; for poverty does not imply
squalor slovenliness or disorder. Let only cleanliness prevail, let only
the rule be observed, "A place for everything, and everything in its place,"
and the resultant neatness and tidiness will lend a simple dignity and
attractiveness to even the poorest interior. It is by no means always the
luxurious or palatial homes that are the most charming. Coziness, like
hospitality, is more often found in the workingman's bungalow than in the
rich man's palace. One cannot imagine the Holy Family of Nazareth living
in a splendid home. They were poor, and their abode undoubtedly reflected
their poverty. Yet, however scanty their resources and however stinted their
use of earthly goods, one cannot but believe that their home was a model
of cleanliness, orderliness, and good taste. For cleanliness is not only
next to godliness, as the proverb says, but actually pertains to godliness
when practiced from supernatural motives, as it certainly was by the Holy
Family; and as it easily can be by anyone when practiced for sweet charity's
sake. If God will reward a drink of cold water given in His name, and will
regard what we do to the least of His brethren as done to Himself; then surely
He will look with approval on the pains we take to make our home attractive
to those with whom He wishes us to share it.
Ownership of One's Home
It will be readily
understood that the married couple that owns its home will be more likely
to be attached to it and more inclined to make it attractive. For this reason
all young couples should endeavor to own a home of their own as soon as possible.
The very fact that their dwelling place is their own will give them a feeling
of security and independence that they can never have in a rented home. And
when they own the soil beneath their feet; when they need consult no landlord
on making improvements; when they have no fear of being forced by the sale
of their home to seek another dwelling place, their love for their home will
strike firmer roots and quite naturally give birth to the desire to make
it harmonize ever more and more with the home of their dreams. Ownership
of one's home, too, is the best guarantee against a life spent in restless
and ill-advised wandering from place to place. In fine, it is the only surety
one can have of enjoying the blessings of a fixed abode, chief among which
are a firm anchorage amid the vicissitudes of life, a circle of true and
tried friends, lifelong associations, and that peculiar charm which in all
civilized nations is associated with the word home. Like the lowly cottage
overgrown with ivy, a home may be very plain and prosaic itself; yet to him
for whom it was the center of childhood's joys, youth's aspirations, and
manhood's struggles and achievements, it will always be beautiful with the
clinging ivy of fond recollections.
Effect of Mutual Love
The strongest means,
without doubt, of holding the family circle together is the practice of mutual
love between all members of the family. The scriptural saying that charity
covers a multitude of sins may be fitly applied to the home whose poverty
and consequent lack of material attractions is more than compensated for
by the unselfish love that pervades it. Just as warm-hearted kindliness can
light up and lend charm to even a homely countenance, so it can also brighten
a home and by its almost magic influence transform a hovel into an abode
of delight This often explains why many a child finds the far more humble
home of a neighboring family more attractive than its own.
Feeding the Fire of Affection
Only too often
this congenial atmosphere is wanting in the home, not because the inmates
do not love one another truly, but because they do not manifest their love
sufficiently. There is a lack of the little courtesies and amenities that
are so powerful a means of fostering affection. Even the most sincere and
deep- seated affection must be fed, if it is not to wither and fade. It is
like the cozy hearth fire which must have fresh fuel now and then, if it
is not to burn low or go out altogether Failure to heap the coals of kindness
and sociableness upon the fire of family affection is sometimes due to a
naturally sullen disposition. More often it can be traced to lack of training
in that point; the parents failed to foster sociableness among their children.
Quite commonly it is the result of preoccupation with other affairs--business,
social or private interests. At times, too, it is due merely to oversight.
Attention was never directed to the propriety and advantage of cultivating
habits of mutual kindliness, cheerfulness, and good will; and in consequence
there may be a touch of chilliness and gloom about the home where an atmosphere
of genial warmth and sunshine should prevail. But, whatever the cause of
deficient sociableness in any members of the family, it can and it should
be removed.
Effect of Kind Words
The story is told
by the author of "The Man Who Was Nobody" of a man who never thought of saving
a friendly word to his wife and family. A friend called his attention to
the fact. He made it clear to him just how he was acting and what an effect
it was having on his dear ones, even though they never complained. He listened
to what his friend had to say and agreed that he was right. He promised to
begin to do better that very day. That evening he went home a changed man.
He greeted his wife and children; he said nothing about business and the
worries of the day; at the dinner table he led the conversation. In every
way he was most considerate. After the meal was over he went so far as to
put on an apron to help dry the dishes. When his wife saw that, she broke
down. "What's the matter?" he exclaimed. "Oh, everything has gone wrong today,"
she replied, "and to cap the climax you come home drunk." His conduct was
so affable, so different from what it had been, that there seemed to be only
one plausible explanation; namely, that he was drunk.
Politeness the Robe of Charity
If any of my readers
should be obliged to admit that their past conduct has resembled that of
the man in this story, they, too, no doubt will decide to reform. For it
needs only that it be pointed out for one to realize that little attentions,
little compliments, little words of appreciation, encouragement, comfort,
and cheer are dispensed with as much propriety within as without the home.
To mention but one instance, should we not have a cheery good morning, a
kind good-bye, a pleasant word or smile of welcome, and a cordial good-night
for the members of our family just as well as for our friends and acquaintances?
It is quite true that politeness is not of the essence of charity. As practiced
by worldly people it is a purely natural virtue, and it is sometimes used
as a cloak for a very uncharitable disposition. But is can be supernaturalized,
and the fact that it is sometimes misused by evil men is no reason why the
good should disdain it. Because of its exterior resemblance, politeness might
well be styled the garment of charity. And so well does this vesture become
the queen of all virtues, that charity never appears more gracious, never
shows to better advantage, than when arrayed in the charming robe of Christian
politeness.
Need of Occupations at Home
Despite the attraction
of pleasant surroundings and congenial companionship, the urge to leave home
during leisure hours may still be very strong if there is nothing to do at
home to occupy one's leisure. Here, then, is another point that calls for
attention in making the home attractive; and among the various occupations
conducive to that end I would assign first place to the performance of certain
tasks or the care of certain things. Let parents begin early to develop in
their children an active interest in their home by assigning to each the
care of a certain thing and by teaching them to take pride in doing their
part well. Thus once could have the bookshelves to keep in order, or the
library table; another the dining room table; a third some pot flowers to
water, and so on; each one having the care of his own toys, shoes, and other
personal belongings. Outdoors, to one could be assigned the care of the lawn
or a part of it; to another a flower bed; to a third the walks or the porch;
and each garden to cultivate or at least a tiny patch to weed and water.
The keeping of a few chickens or other domestic fowl would offer another
interesting as well as useful occupation. And to keep the children from growing
one-sided as well as to revive their interest, they could also take turns
in the performance of certain tasks, either every day or every week or every
month, whichever way might be thought best. Pet Animals
Then there are the pets--dogs, cats, rabbits, singing birds, parrots, anything
that will enlist the interest of the children and serve as another tie binding
them to their home. Interest in such things can be developed to such an extent
that children will sometimes rather forego some other pleasure than leave
home and neglect the things committed to their care. To foster this interest,
the parents themselves must show a keen interest in their children's efforts,
and always have a kind word of encouragement, appreciation or praise for
their achievements, no matter how trivial and childish the latter may be.
Games and Toys
And finally, though
most of the occupations I have spoken of really constitute excellent recreation
if properly directed and not overdone, there must needs be also sheer
amusements-- pleasurable pastimes, undisguised enjoyments, and care-free
indulgence in interesting games. In these days of the player piano, the
phonograph, and the radio, not to speak of the numerous playthings that
electricity and other modern discoveries and inventions have produced, this
phase of the problem of home life is not hard to solve. But even in those
families that may be too poor to afford such luxuries, there need be no lack
of amusement; for the old-fashioned games of lotto, dominoes, checkers, mill,
cards, authors, and parchesi, all of which may be had for a few cents each,
can still hold the interest of old and young alike. By one who has a little
skill, many of these games can be fabricated at home with hardly any expense;
and the fact that they are homemade often makes them the more enjoyable.
Indeed, it is a quite common experience that few games are enjoyed more by
children than those that are entirely their own invention.
Not Too Many Inhibitions
There is just one
more bit of advice that I think should be given in this chapter and that
is: Let there not be too many inhibitions in the home! Those who must guard
against excess in this point are the mothers and the elder sisters. It goes
without saying that even the members of the family will not enjoy staying
at home, if they are not made to feel at home; and no one can really feel
at home, if he is hampered at every turn by instructions and reminders not
to do this and to avoid that. Discipline and order there should be, of course;
but it need not be the discipline and order of the church or schoolroom.
The very proximity of the walls and ceiling impose a certain amount of restraint
that is absent out of doors; but it need not be the restraint demanded by
the presence of strangers. Yes, mother dear, and dear elder sister, train
your dear ones in orderliness and neatness and well-bred deportment; but
let it be done with the sweet reasonableness of a mother and sister, and
not with the tyrannical imperiousness of a Xantippe. If undue restraint is
placed on them at home, your growing boys and girls will soon find an opportunity
of escaping to more congenial places of amusement; and then, instead of spending
your evenings in the midst of a joyful, if perhaps a little too noisy family,
you will be left to keep late and lonely vigils worrying over your wandering
boys and girls and perhaps over the head of the house himself.
Make Everyone Feel at Home
By all means, then,
let the home folks be made to feel at home. Let the father of the house occupy
the finest easy chair, even if he is not arrayed in his Sunday clothes. Let
the grown-up sons smoke in the sitting room or in the parlor, even if the
smoke does stain the curtains or the wall paper. Let there be music and song
and games at the time for recreation, even if they are somewhat noisy. Let
the children have their own theatricals, if they like to; let there be an
abundance of clean wholesome reading matter, picture books, puzzles, and
toys; let the parents themselves join in or at least show an interest in
the amusements of their children, and the home will become so attractive
that there will rarely be any temptation to seek recreation elsewhere.
"Keep the home fires burning" is the slogan I would suggest to all who are
laboring for the reform of society. Instead of nightly faring forth to the
club, the theatre, the "movie" or some other place of amusement, let the
members of the family once more gather round the hearth, whether to work,
to study, to read, to amuse themselves or to pray. Better far one such night
spent in the bosom of the family and in the atmosphere of a truly Catholic
home than a dozen nights spent at the club or the "movie," no matter how
unobjectionable, educational and inspiring.
A Voice in the Wilderness
Think not, kind
reader, that I do not realize (and oh, how poignantly!) that, in making this
plea, I shall be looked upon by the great majority as hopelessly behind the
times, and as making a futile effort to turn the current of our modern age.
But was there ever a more glorious battle fought for a principle, or was
there ever a more heroic stand made in defense of the right than when the
defender was faced by overwhelming odds? If, like St. John the Baptist, I
am but the voice of one crying in the wilderness, at least I have the consolation
of being in good company. And if, like the early Christian apologists who
raised their voices in protest against the persecuting emperors, I may seem
to be trying to stave off the inevitable, I again find comfort in the fact
that the Church that the apologists defended still exists and exerts her
benign influence, while the all- powerful empire that persecuted her is long
since a heap of ruins.
God's Grace Still Powerful
It is true, the
Church is the work of God, and its preservation, its spread, and its conquests
have been accomplished more by the power of God than by the wisdom and power
of man. But so, too, is the family, and especially the Christian family,
the work of God; and if it is to accomplish its God-given mission in the
Christian home, it has less need of human means than of divine. And therein
precisely lies my hope. God's grace is still active and still powerful; and
it is solely through it and not "by the persuasive words of human wisdom,"
that I hope to accomplish any good through these pages. There are still
well-meaning souls in this wicked world; souls who want to do the best they
can; naturally Christian souls who long for something better, higher, nobler.
It is to these especially, and, more particularly still, to young wives and
mothers that I address myself in the hope that, as they read these instructions
and counsels, the grace of God will inspire them anew with a strong desire
and an earnest determination to make their homes models of what a Christian
home should be. Let them establish their homes on the rock bottom of religion;
let them cultivate prayer, foster good reading, preserve a Catholic atmosphere
in their homes and promote home life, and, by the blessing of God their homes
will become veritable strongholds of the Faith, schools of virtue, abodes
of peace and happiness and love, which the angels of God will delight to
visit, and which God Himself will look down upon with pleasure and bless
with a foretaste of the joys of Heaven.
Continue:
Introduction
Chapter I: Necessity of Religion in the Home
Chapter II: Prayer in the Home
Chapter III: Catholic Atmosphere in the Home
Chapter IV: Good Reading in the Home
Chapter V: Harmony in the Home
Chapter VI: Necessity of Home Life
Conclusion
|
|
