|
Ephesians 5:20-33
"Giving thanks always for all things, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ,
to God and the Father: Being subject one to another, in the fear of Christ.
Let women be subject to their husbands, as to the Lord: Because the husband
is the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the church. He is the saviour
of his body. Therefore as the church is subject to Christ: so also let the
wives be to their husbands in all things. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ
also loved the church and delivered himself up for it: That he might sanctify
it, cleansing it by the laver of water in the word of life: That he might
present it to himself, a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any
such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. So also ought
men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth
himself. For no man ever hated his own flesh, but nourisheth and cherisheth
it, as also Christ doth the church: Because we are members of him, body,
of his flesh and of his bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father
and mother: and shall cleave to his wife. And they shall be two in one flesh.
This is a great sacrament: but I speak in Christ and in the church. Nevertheless,
let every one of you in particular love for his wife as himself: And let
the wife fear her husband."
First, what is the Sacrament of Holy Matrimony? What does this Sacrament
do?
Marriage was instituted by God Himself in the Garden of Eden and restored
to such -- raised to the dignity of a Sacrament -- by Jesus Christ in the
New Covenant. The Sacrament's external sign is the freely entered into contract
made between a validly baptized man and validly baptized woman who intend
to form a marriage and who have no impediments to marriage (or who have any
required dispensations if an impediment exists). Like Holy Orders, once the
Sacrament is received, it cannot be set aside; a valid sacramental marriage
lasts until the death of one of the spouses.
1
The matter of the Sacrament is the mutual, freely-given consent of the man
and woman before a priest and two witnesses. The man and woman are the actual
ministers of the Sacrament, and the fruits of the Sacrament are the graces
needed to raise a family and live up to the marital vows.
This must be made clear: the primary purpose of marriage is the procreation
and education of children, most especially educating them to know, love,
and serve God; its secondary purposes are unitive, "mutual society and help,
and a lawful remedy for concupiscence" (Catholic Encyclopedia). Marriage
grants to each partner the right to the spouse's body; the obligation this
creates on the part of each is called the "marital debt." I Corinthians 7:1-4:
Now concerning
the things whereof you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman.
But for fear of fornication, let every man have his own wife: and let every
woman have her own husband. Let the husband render the debt to his wife:
and the wife also in like manner to the husband. The wife hath not power
of her own body: but the husband. And in like manner the husband also hath
not power of his own body: but the wife.
If both spouses
mutually agree to not exercise their marital rights, theirs is said
to be a "Josephite marriage" akin to the marriage of Mary and Joseph, but
if the marital rights are exercised, the marital act must be open to life.
Artificial birth control and contraception are strictly forbidden, though
birth control through the use of "Natural Family Planning" (often abbreviated
as "N.F.P.") or other similar methods that take advantage of natural periods
of sterility may be used in certain circumstances. For a fuller view of Christian
marriage, see Pope Pius XI's Casti Connubii
and Pope Leo XIII's Arcanum. For more explicit
teachings on N.F.P., see Pope Pius XII's
Address to Midwives, especially the
sub-section "Birth Control."
Impediments to a Sacramental Marriage
Impediments to
a sacramental marriage are of two types: diriment impediments, which render
an alleged marriage null and void or make a potential marriage impossible,
and prohibitory impediments, which don't affect validity but liceity (i.e.,
its strict accordance with Canon Law) and require a dispensation first.
Diriment impediments include: the inability to freely consent; blood relationship
to the fourth degree collaterally, or in any degree in the direct line;
relationship by adoption if the relationship is to the second degree
collaterally, or in any degree in the direct line; spiritual relationship,
such as that between godparents and godchildren; a solemn vow of chastity;
impotence (not sterility) that is known and not revealed; having been a party
in a marriage contract that was not ended by death or found to be invalid
with a declaration of nullity (an "annulment") or dissolved by the Petrine
or Pauline Privileges (see below); having received Holy Orders; not having
reached the age of 14 (women) or 16 (men); if either of the couple is not
baptized. If one of these impediments exist, a marriage can almost never
take place (only in very, very rare cases are dispensations given to a couple
who have affinity in the first degree of the direct line).
Prohibitory impediments include: betrothal to another (i.e., pledge of marriage
to another); a simple vow of chastity; if one party is baptized but belongs
to a schismatic or heretical sect; lack of parental consent in the case of
minors. If one of these impediments exist, a marriage would still be valid,
but a dispensation must be gotten in order for the marriage to be licit.
If any of these impediments exist, the couple is bound to declare them.
Mixed Marriages
If a Catholic gets
a dispensation to marry someone who is baptized but belongs to a schismatic
or heretical sect, they are said to enter into a "mixed marriage." Despite
the fact that mixed marriages are not, in themselves, true vocations and
are inherently flawed, the Church sometimes does grant a dispensation to
such a couple for
the same reason
that a prudent mother would prefer to see a wayward daughter do a bad thing
than a worse thing. What parent would not prefer to see a child sick than
dead? There is some hope for the life of a man hanging over a precipice and
clinging even to a handful of grass, but there is no hope when his brains
are dashed out on the rocks beneath. When persons have fully made up their
minds to enter mixed marriage, they are so blinded by their passions and
preferences that, if the Church should not tolerate their step, many of them
would marry out of the Church, and thus commit mortal sin, and in most cases
incur excommunication. The only difference, then, is this: There is at least
a possible hope of salvation when mixed marriages are tolerated by the Church;
whereas, if these persons should die in their rebellion against the Church,
their damnation would be certain. The Church, like a prudent mother, would
prefer the less of these two evils. ("Vocations Explained: Matrimony, Virginity,
The Religious State, and the Priesthood," Benziger Brothers, 1897).
Traditionally the
Church requires three conditions for the issuing of a dispensation for a
mixed marriage:
-
that the Catholic
party be allowed free exercise of religion;
-
that all the offspring
are to be brought up Catholic; and
-
that the Catholic
party promise to do all that is possible to convert the non-Catholic.
The 1983 Code of
Canon Law, though, gives the three conditions as: the Catholic party is to
declare that he or she is prepared to remove dangers of defecting from the
faith, and is to make a sincere promise to do all in his or her power in
order that all the children be baptized and brought up in the Catholic Church;
the other party is to be informed in good time of these promises to be made
by the Catholic party, so that it is certain that he or she is truly aware
of the promise and of the obligation of the Catholic party; both parties
are to be instructed about the purposes and essential properties of marriage,
which are not to be excluded by either contractant.
In any case, mixed marriages are frowned upon very harshly (or should be,
anyway) and pose extreme dangers to the peace and very purpose of
family life. Catholics should "marry Catholic"! This cannot be stressed enough!
If a man and woman are not together on the very fundamentals of life -- the
nature of God and Church, the very purpose of life, the things they are
duty-bound to teach their children -- they will struggle and their children
will suffer from that struggle and from the religious indifference which
would undoubtedly ensue. The family culture will be in shambles, and that
which should be most deeply shared won't be shared at all. Paragraphs 81-83
of Casti Connubii read:
81. This religious
character of marriage, its sublime signification of grace and the union between
Christ and the Church, evidently requires that those about to marry should
show a holy reverence towards it, and zealously endeavor to make their marriage
approach as nearly as possible to the archetype of Christ and the Church.
82. They, therefore, who rashly and heedlessly contract mixed marriages,
from which the maternal love and providence of the Church dissuades her children
for very sound reasons, fail conspicuously in this respect, sometimes with
danger to their eternal salvation. This attitude of the Church to mixed marriages
appears in many of her documents, all of which are summed up in the Code
of Canon Law: "Everywhere and with the greatest strictness the Church forbids
marriages between baptized persons, one of whom is a Catholic and the other
a member of a schismatical or heretical sect; and if there is, add to this,
the danger of the falling away of the Catholic party and the perversion of
the children, such a marriage is forbidden also by the divine law." If the
Church occasionally on account of circumstances does not refuse to grant
a dispensation from these strict laws (provided that the divine law remains
intact and the dangers above mentioned are provided against by suitable
safeguards), it is unlikely that the Catholic party will not suffer some
detriment from such a marriage.
83. Whence it comes about not unfrequently, as experience shows, that deplorable
defections from religion occur among the offspring, or at least a headlong
descent into that religious indifference which is closely allied to impiety.
There is this also to be considered that in these mixed marriages it becomes
much more difficult to imitate by a lively conformity of spirit the mystery
of which We have spoken, namely that close union between Christ and His Church.
For another Encyclical
that deals explicitly with mixed marriages, see Pope Gregory XVI's
"Summo Iugiter Studio," published in
1832. If you are a Catholic woman toying with the idea of marrying a non-Catholic
man, please read this extremely important article that shows the astonishing
results of a study to determine the influence of fathers on children's
religiosity: The Truth About
Men and Church.
Natural Marriages
Marriages that
take place between two unbaptized people or between a baptized and an unbaptized
person are said to be non-sacramental "natural marriages" which do not bring
forth sanctifying grace. Once one is sacramentally married, it is
for life, but merely natural marriages, which are in and of themselves
good, can sometimes be dissolved with what is known as the "Pauline
Privilege" or the "Petrine Privilege."
The Pauline Privilege
The Pauline Privilege is exercised when: both parties are unbaptized at the
time of marriage, one of the parties becomes baptized, and the unbaptized
party leaves. This sort of case, which is handled by the local Bishop, is
outlined in I Corinthians 7:10-15:
But to them that
are married [i.e., those who are sacramentally married], not I, but the
Lord, commandeth that the wife depart not from her husband. And if she
depart, that she remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband. And let
not the husband put away his wife.
For to the rest [i.e., those who are in merely natural marriages] I speak,
not the Lord. If any brother hath a wife that believeth not and she consent
to dwell with him: let him not put her away. And if any woman hath a husband
that believeth not and he consent to dwell with her: let her not put away
her husband. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the believing wife:
and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the believing husband. Otherwise
your children should be unclean: but now they are holy. But if the unbeliever
depart, let him depart. For a brother or sister is not under servitude in
such cases. But God hath called us in peace.
The Petrine
Privilege
The Petrine Privilege is exercised when: one of the parties was unbaptized
at the time of the marriage, they separate without the baptized party being
at fault (or plan to separate and the unbaptized party refuses Baptism and
will not live peaceably with the baptized party), and the baptized party
now wants to marry a Catholic (see I Esdras 10-14). Unlike the Pauline Privilege
which is handled by the local Bishop, this sort of case is sent to Rome to
be adjudicated by the Pope himself.
Note that the exercise of the Petrine or Pauline Privileges is not a declaration
of nullity (an "annulment"). A declaration of nullity is the finding that
a marriage was merely putative and never existed at all; the Petrine and
Pauline Privileges dissolve non-sacramental natural marriages. Truly sacramental
marriages -- marriages joined together by God Himself -- that are ratified
and consummated can be dissolved by no one. Matthew 19:3-9:
And there came
to him the Pharisees tempting him, saying: Is it lawful for a man to put
away his wife for every cause? Who answering, said to them: Have ye not read,
that he who made man from the beginning, made them male and female? And he
said: For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave
to his wife, and they two shall be in one flesh. Therefore now they are not
two, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let no man put
asunder. They say to him: Why then did Moses command to give a bill of divorce,
and to put away? He saith to them: Because Moses by reason of the hardness
of your heart permitted you to put away your wives: but from the beginning
it was not so. And I say to you, that whosoever shall put away his wife,
except it be for fornication [Greek: porneia], and shall marry another,
committeth adultery [Greek: moicheia]: and he that shall marry her that is
put away, committeth adultery [Greek: moicheia].
2
In any case, if
you are entering the Church now and are already married, talk with your priest
as to the nature of your marriage. If both you and your spouse are baptized
and have never been married before, there should be no problem in having
your marriage blessed. Refrain from the Sacraments until you are sure about
the status of your marriage.
Getting Married in the Church
If the couple are
both baptized and in a state of grace (couples should make a general
confession and receive
Communion as soon before marriage as possible),
and none of the impediments listed above exist (or a dispensation has been
gotten), the first thing to do is to announce your betrothal to your priest,
who will then publish the "banns of marriage." The banns are a public
announcement of the upcoming marriage so that any impediments can be discovered.
This "publication" is usually made on three consecutive Holy Days (including
Sundays), during the Mass itself (before or after the sermon) and/or in the
parish bulletin (for good reason, sometimes the banns may be dispensed with).
Then you will obey the civil laws of the State in which you live by getting
the proper blood tests, licenses, etc.
As far as wonderfully girly wedding plans go, I will note here that the bride's
dress 3 (and bridesmaids' dresses)
must conform to the same rules of modesty and decorum that apply any time
a woman enters a church, i.e., her head must be covered, the dress must cover
the knees when standing or sitting, the neckline should be modest, etc. No
spaghetti strap, totally sleeveless, backless, side-split, mini-length, plunging
neckline, sassy little Vera Wang numbers allowed. Of all the days of her
life, the last day a woman should want to present herself to the world as
sex object is the day she gives herself totally to her husband in marriage.
(Note that for a second marriage, or for the marriage of a couple that has
lived together in sin and repented, the wedding festivities should be a tad
subdued; allusions to virginity, such as the bride wearing white, should
be avoided.)
Music is handled differently at Catholic weddings, too. No "Sunrise, Sunset,"
no Celine Dion tunes -- quite possibly, not even Wagner's or Mendelssohn's
Wedding Marches. Save "Unchained Melody" for your first dance at the reception
and "At Last" for the cake-cutting; music during the wedding itself must
be sacred.
As to the Rite
of Marriage itself, it can be offered with or without a Mass and Nuptial
Blessing (traditionally, the Nuptial Mass and Blessing are only offered when
the bride and groom are both Catholic, not in the case of mixed marriages).
If the couple wants a Mass and Nuptial Blessing, the form of the Mass will
depend on the day of the wedding. The default Mass offered is the Nuptial
Mass (color white) -- but this Mass may not be said on: Sundays; on Holy
Days of Obligation; on Feasts of the 1st or 2nd Class; on Ash Wednesday;
during Holy Week; on All Souls Day; on the Vigils of Christmas or Epiphany
or Pentecost; or within the within the octaves of the Epiphany, Easter,
Pentecost, and Corpus Christi. If a wedding takes place on any of the above
days and a Mass is desired, that day's Mass is said (and the color will be
of the Mass of that day) instead of the Nuptial Mass, but the Collect, Secret,
and Postcommunion prayers from the Nuptial Mass are added to it along with
a prayer for the couple after the Pater Noster, and a blessing for the
couple.
The Rite of Marriage
The bride and groom
stand before the priest, just outside the sanctuary. The groom stands on
the Joseph/Epistle side of the church (the right from the point of view of
the congregation), and the bride stands on the Mary/Gospel side. The priest
then asks the following question of the groom: |
| N.,
wilt thou take N., here present, for thy lawful wife, according to the rite
of our holy Mother the Church? . |
| R.
I will |
Then the priest
asks the bride: |
| N.,
wilt thou take N., here present, for thy lawful husband, according to the
rite of our holy Mother the Church? |
| R.
I will. |
Having obtained
their mutual consent, the priest asks the man and the woman join their right
hands. Then they pledge themselves each to the other as follows, repeating
the words after the priest. The man begins: |
| I,
N. N., take thee, N. N., for my lawful wife, to have and to hold, from this
day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and
in health, until death do us part. |
The woman
follows: |
| I,
N. N., take thee, N. N., for my lawful husband, to have and to hold, from
this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness
and in health, until death do us part. |
The priest then
says: |
| I join you
together in marriage, in the Name of the Father, + and of the Son, and of
the Holy Ghost. Amen. |
Ego conjugo
vos in matrimonium, in nomine Patris, + et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti.
Amen. |
The priest sprinkles
the couple with Holy Water.
Then he blesses the bride's ring, saying: |
| V. Our help
is in the Name of the Lord. |
V. Adjutorium
nostrum in nomine Domini. |
| R. Who made
heaven and earth. |
R. Qui fecit
caelum et terram. |
| V. O Lord,
hear my prayer. |
V. Domine,
exaudi orationem meam. |
| R. And let
my cry come unto Thee. |
R. Et clamor
meus ad te veniat. |
| V. The Lord
be with you. |
V. Dominus
vobiscum. |
| R. And with
Thy spirit. |
R. Et cum spiritu
tuo. |
| Let
us pray. Bless, + O Lord, this ring, which we bless + in Thy name, that she
who shall wear it, keeping true faith unto her spouse, may abide in Thy peace
and in obedience to Thy will, and ever live in mutual love. Through Christ
our Lord. |
| R.
Amen. |
Then the priest
sprinkles the ring (which is considered a sacramental) with holy water in
the form of a cross; and the bridegroom, having received the ring from the
hand of the priest, places it on the third finger of the left hand of the
bride, saying the following: |
With
this ring I thee wed and I plight unto thee my troth.
[Another form:
With this ring
I thee wed; this gold and silver I thee give; with my body I thee worship;
and with all my worldly goods I thee endow.
Another method
of placing the ring on the bride's finger is to slide it onto the thumb while
saying "In the Name of the Father," then onto the index finger while saying,
"and of the Son," and onto the middle finger while saying "and of the Holy
Ghost," then finally onto the ring finger while saying "Amen.] |
Then the priest
says: |
| In the name
of the Father + and of the Son and of the Holy Ghost. Amen. |
In nomine Patris,
+ et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. Amen. |
This done, the
priest says: |
| V. Confirm,
O God, that which Thou hast wrought in us. |
V. Confirma
hoc, Deus, qod operatus es in nobis. |
| R. From Thy
holy temple, which is in Jerusalem. |
R. A templo
sancto tuo quod est in Jerusalem. |
| V. Lord, have
mercy. |
V. Kyrie
eleison. |
| R. Christ,
have mercy. |
R. Christe
eleison. |
| V. Lord, have
mercy. |
V. Kyrie eleison.
|
| Our Father,
etc. (inaudibly). |
Pater noster
(secreto). |
| V. And lead
us not into temptation. |
V. Et ne nos
inducas in tentationem. |
| R. But deliver
us from evil. |
R. Sed libera
nos a malo. |
| V. Save Thy
servants. |
V. Salvos fac
servos tuos. |
| R. Who hope
in Thee, O my God. |
R. Deus meus,
sperantes in te. |
| V. Send them
help, O Lord, from Thy holy place. |
V. Mitte eis,
Domine, auxilium de sancto. |
| R. And defend
them out of Sion. |
R. Et de Sion
tuere eos. |
| V. Be unto
them, Lord, a tower of strength. |
V. Esto eis,
Domine, turris fortitudinis. R.: A facie inimici. |
| R. From the
face of the enemy. |
V. Domine exaudi
orationem meam. |
| V. O Lord,
hear my prayer. |
R. Et clamor
meus ad te veniat. |
| R. And let
my cry come unto Thee. |
R. Et clamor
meus ad te veniat. |
| V. The Lord
be with you. |
V. Dominus
vobiscum. |
| R. And with
Thy spirit. |
R. Et cum spiritu
tuo. |
| Let
us pray. Look down with favor, O Lod, we beseech Thee, upon these Thy servants,
and graciously protect this, Thine ordinance, whereby Thou hast provided
for the propagation of mankind; that they who are joined together by Thy
authority may be preserved by Thy help; through Christ our Lord. Amen. |
Thus ends the Rite
of Marriage. There should be no applause for the couple afterwards in the
church; save that for outside when they leave the church (i.e., at the typical
"rice-throwing time" outdoors) and at the couple's entrance at their
reception. |
Optional:
The Nuptial Mass
(Missa pro Sponso et Sponsa)
and Nuptial Blessing
The Nuptial Mass
and Nuptial Blessing are optional for the couple. If they are desired, they
will follow the Marriage Rite above. The Nuptial Mass is like any other Mass
except that the Gloria and Creed are omitted, and the following Propers are
said. The Nuptial Mass can't be offered on any of the following days: Feasts
of the first or second class; on Sundays or holydays of obligation; within
the octaves of the Epiphany, Easter, Pentecost, Corpus Christi; on Ash Wednesday;
during Holy Week; on the vigils of Christmas, Epiphany or Pentecost; All
Soul's Day. |
Introit: Tobias
7:15; 8:19 |
| May the God
of Israel join you together: and may He be with you, who was merciful to
two only children: and now, O Lord, make them bless Thee more fully. (Ps.
127. 1). Blessed are all they that fear the Lord, that walk in His ways.
|
Deus Israel
conjungat vos: et ipse sit vobiscum, qui misertus est duobus unicis: et nunc,
Domine, fac eos plenius benedicere te. (Ps. 127. 1) Beati omnes qui timent
Dominum: qui ambulant in viis ejus. |
| V. Glory to
the Father . . . -- May the God . . . |
V. Gloria Patri
. . . -- Deus Israel conjunga |
Collect |
| Hear
us, almighty and merciful God: that what is performed by our ministry may
be abundantly fulfilled with Thy blessing. Through our Lord Jesus Christ,
Thy Son, who liveth and reigneth with Thee... |
Epistle: Ephesians
5:22-33 |
| Brethren:
Let women be subject to their husbands as to the Lord; for the husband is
the head of the wife, as Christ is the head of the Church. He is the savior
of His body. Therefore, as the Church is subject to Christ, so also let the
wives be to their husbands in all things. Husbands, love your wives, as Christ
also loved the Church, and delivered Himself up for it: that He might sanctify
it, cleansing it by the laver of water in the word of life; that He might
present it to Himself a glorious Church, not having spot or wrinkle, or any
such thing, but that it should be holy and without blemish. So also ought
men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth
himself: for no man ever hated his own flesh, but nourisheth and cherisheth
it; as also Christ doth the Church: for we are members of His body, of His
flesh, and of His bones. For this cause shall a man leave his father and
mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they shall be two in one flesh.
This is a great Sacrament, but I speak in Christ and in the Church. Nevertheless,
let every one of you in particular love his wife as himself, and let the
wife fear her husband. |
Gradual: Psalm
127:3 |
| Thy wife shall
be as a fruitful vine on the sides of thy house. |
Uxor tua sicut
vitis abundans in lateribus domus tuae. |
| V. Thy children
as olive plants round about thy table. Alleluia, alleluia. |
V. Filii tui
sicut novellae olivarum in circuitu mensae tuae. Alleluia, alleluia. |
| V. (Ps. 19.
3) May the Lord send you help from the sanctuary, and defend you out of Sion.
Alleluia. |
V. Mittat vobis
Dominus auxilium de sancto: et de Sion tueatur vos. Alleluia. |
After Septuagesima,
the Alleluia and the Verse Mittat are omitted and the following is said: |
Tract: Psalm
127:4-6 |
| Behold thus
shall the man be blessed that feareth the Lord. |
Ecce sic
benedicetur omnis homo, qui timet Dominum. |
| V. May the
Lord bless you out of Sion; and mayest thou see that good things of Jerusalem
all the days of thy life. |
V. Benedicat
tibi Dominus ex Sion: et videas bona Jerusalem omnibus diebus vitae tuae.
|
| V. And mayest
thou see thy children's children: peace upon Israel. |
V. Et videas
filios filiorum tuorum: pax super Israel. |
During Eastertide,
the Gradual is omitted and the following Alleluia is said: |
| Alleluia, alleluia.
|
Alleluia, alleluia.
|
| V. (Ps. 19.
3) May the Lord send you help from the sanctuary, and defend you out of Sion.
Alleluia. |
V. Mittat vobis
Dominus auxilium de sancto: et de Sion tueatur vos. Alleluia. |
| V. (Ps. 133.
3). May the Lord out of Sion bless you: who hath made heaven and earth.
Alleluia. |
V. Benedicat
vobis Dominus ex Sion: qui fecit coelum et terram. Alleluia. |
Gospel: Matthew
19:3-6 |
| At
that time: The Pharisees came to Jesus, tempting Him and saying; It is lawful
for a man to put away his wife for every cause? Who answering said to them,
Have ye not read, that He who made man from the beginning, made them male
and female? and He said, For this cause shall a man leave his father and
mother, and shall cleave to his wife, and they two shall be in one flesh.
Therefore, now they are not two but one flesh. What, therefore, God hath
joined together, let no man put asunder. |
Offertory: Psalm
30:15-16 |
| In Thee, O
Lord, have I hoped: I said, Thou art my God; my times are in Thy hands. |
In te speravi,
Domine: dixi: Tu es Deus meus: in manibus tuis tempora mea. |
Secret |
| Accept,
we beseech Thee, O Lord, the gifts offered for the sacred law of marriage:
and do Thou dispose according to Thy will, that which is instituted by Thy
bounty. Through our Lord Jesus Christ, Thy Son, who liveth and reigneth with
Thee in the unity... |
Preface |
| It it truly
meet and just, right and for our salvation, that we should at all times,
and in all places, give thanks unto Thee, O holy Lord, Father almighty,
everlasting God, through Christ our Lord. Through whom the Angels praise
Thy Majesty, the Dominations worship it, the Powers stand in awe. The heavens
and the heavenly hosts together with the blessed Seraphim in triumphant chorus
unite to celebrate it. Together with them, we entreat Thee, that Thou mayest
bid our voices also to be admitted, while we say in lowly praise: |
Vere dignum
et justum est, aequum et salutare, nos tibi semper, et ubique gratias agere:
Domine sancte, Pater omnipotens, aeterne Deus: per Christum Dominum nostrum.
Per quem majestatem tuam laudant Angeli, adorant Dominationes, tremunt
Potestates. Coeli, coelorumque Virtutes, ac beata Seraphim socia exsultatione
concelebrant. Cum quibus et nostras voces, ut admitti jubeas, deprecamur,
supplici confessione dicentes: |
After the Pater
Noster, the priest goes to the Epistle side of the Altar. The Bride and Groom
kneel before him. The priest folds his hands and, turning towards the bridegroom
and bride, says over them the following two prayers. After the prayers, he
continues the Mass, and the Bride and Groom resume their places. The couple
receive Communion as usual, at the proper time. |
Let
us pray. Be gracious, O Lord, to our humble supplications: and graciously
assist this Thine institution, which Thou hast established for the increase
of mankind: that what is joined together by Thine authority, may be preserved
by Thine aid. Through our Lord Jesus Christ, Thy Son, who liveth and reigneth
with Thee...
O God, who by Thine own mighty power, didst make all things out of nothing:
who, having set in order the beginnings of the world, didst appoint Woman
to be an inseparable helpmeet to Man, made like unto God, so that Thou didst
give to woman's body its beginnings in man's flesh, thereby teaching that
what it pleased Thee to form from one substance, might never be lawfully
separated: O God, who, by so excellent a mystery hast consecrated the union
of man and wife, as to foreshadow in this nuptial bond the union of Christ
with His Church: O God, by whom Woman is joined to Man, and the partnership,
ordained from the beginning, is endowed with such blessing that it alone
was not withdrawn either by the punishment of original sin, nor by the sentence
of the flood: graciously look upon this Thy handmaid, who, about to be joined
in wedlock, seeks Thy defense and protection. May it be to her a yoke of
love and peace: faithful and chaste, may she be wedded in Christ, and let
her ever be the imitator of holy women: let her be dear to her husband, like
Rachel: wise, like Rebecca: long-lived and faithful like Sara. Let not the
author of deceit work any of his evil deeds in her. May she continue, clinging
to the faith and to the commandments. Bound in one union, let her shun all
unlawful contact. Let her protect her weakness by the strength of discipline;
let her be grave in behavior, respected for modesty, well-instructed in heavenly
doctrine. Let her be fruitful in offspring; be approved and innocent; and
come to the repose of the blessed and the kingdom of heaven. May they both
see their children's children to the third and fourth generation, and may
they reach the old age which they desire. Through the same Lord Jesus Christ,
Thy Son, who liveth and reigneth... |
The priest continues
the Mass as usual with the prayer Deliver us, we beseech Thee, O Lord. |
Communion: Psalm
127:4, 6 |
| Behold, thus
shall every man be blessed that feareth the Lord; and mayest thou see thy
children's children; peace upon Israel. |
Ecce sic
benedicetur omnis homo, qui timet Dominum: et videas filios filiorum tuorum:
pax super Israel. |
Postcommunion |
| We
beseech Thee, almighty God, to accompany with Thy gracious favor, the institution
of Thy Providence, and keep in lasting peace those whom Thou dost join in
lawful union. Through our Lord Jesus Christ, Thy Son, who liveth and
reigneth... |
The Bride and Groom
go and kneel before the priest once more. The priest turns toward them, giving
the blessing below. Afterwards, he sprinkles them with Holy Water and they
go back to their places: |
| May
the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob be with you: and
Himself fulfill His blessing on you: that you may see your children's children
even to the third and fourth generation: and thereafter possess life everlasting,
by the aid of our Lord... |
Thus ends the Nuptial
Mass |
Information for non-Catholic Guests
If you are invited
to attend a traditional Catholic wedding, prepare for a long ceremony if
the wedding will include a Mass (around 1 1/2 to 2 hours). Mass attire and
etiquette are covered on this page, and the
Order of the Mass can be found here.
Gifts, of course, are usually given to the couple at the reception that follows
the wedding. Such Catholic items as Crucifixes,
Holy Water fonts, etc. are always welcome, along
with more secular household items.
Wedding Customs
It is a lovely
custom for the bride to leave her bouquet (or another bundle of flowers)
in front of the statue of Mary in the church, praying to Mary to help her
in her duties as a wife and intercede in blessing her with children (perhaps
Catholic brides could have their florists make up little "Mary bouquets"
for this purpose). This custom symbolizes the bride offering her virginity,
as indicated by the flowers, to Our Lady, in return for her prayers to make
her marriage fruitful. The groom might light a candle in front of the statue
of St. Joseph and ask him to intercede for him as a husband.
After the wedding, a reception follows. Customs at these receptions vary
from ethnic group to ethnic group.
Among Italians and Italian-Americans, the couple is toasted with "Cent'anni!"
(A hundred years!) and asked to kiss with cries of "Bacio!". The bride will
give out white "confetti" -- Jordan almonds -- in odd numbers (usually 7)
to the wedding guests. They are sometimes pre-wrapped in tulle and symbolize
"the bitter and the sweet" of married life. The bride will
carry a silk or satin bag (una borsa) into which guests will put envelopes
of money to help defray wedding and honeymoon costs. Sometimes male wedding
guests will pay for the privilege of dancing with the bride, and, of course,
they kiss her for luck. As to the dancing, the Tarantella is the standard
"Italian wedding dance" (click to hear the music
for the Neapolitan version of the Tarantella). Food and wine, of course,
will play a huge role as in all big Catholic (especially Italian Catholic)
celebrations -- many courses worth! -- and "wanda" ("love-knot" cookies sprinkled
with sugar) are standard, along with wedding cake and coffee at the end of
the meal.
Wanda
2 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
2 TBSP white sugar
1 pinch salt
1 egg
1 tsp vanilla extract
2 TBSP butter, melted
3 TBSP sherry
1 cup vegetable oil for frying
1/3 cup powdered sugar for decoration
In a medium bowl, stir together the flour, salt, and sugar. Add the egg,
butter and vanilla, mix until dough becomes stiff. Stir in the sherry 1
tablespoon at a time until dough is workable and smooth, then cover and
refrigerate for about 2 hours. On a lightly floured surface, roll the dough
out to 1/8 inch thickness. Cut into long narrow strips, and tie into loose
knots (do not pull tight). Heat cooking oil (about 3 inches deep) to 375
degrees F. Fry knots for about 2 minutes until they puff up and turn golden.
Drain on paper towels, then dust with powdered sugar while still warm.
At some point during
the reception, the groom will stomp on a glass that has been wrapped up in
a white linen towel, the broken glass symbolizing the irrevocability of marriage,
and the number of shards left behind representing the number of happy years
they will have together. Gifts are not opened at the reception in most Italian
weddings.
As to the wedding night, it is an old custom for some couples to abstain
from the marital act, dedicating the first night of marriage to St. Joseph
(making the night "St. Joseph's Night"), and performing some devotion to
the Saint. This is in keeping with the spirit of Tobias who, with his wife,
Sara, spent the first three days and nights or their marriage in prayer:
Tobias 8:4-5
Then Tobias exhorted the virgin, and said to her: Sara, arise, and let us
pray to God today, and tomorrow, and the next day: because for these three
nights we are joined to God: and when the third night is over, we will be
in our own wedlock. For we are the children of saints, and we must not be
joined together like heathens that know not God.
One final note
is that St. Dorothy (of Caesarea) is the Patroness of Brides; St. Louis IX
is the Patron of Grooms; St. Nicholas of Myra is the Patron of newlyweds
(both bride and groom); St. Valentine is the Patron of happy marriages, and
St. Joseph is the Patron of family life. For those who desire to marry but
who've not met the right person, SS. Catherine of Alexandria, Agnes, Valentine,
and Barbara intercede for women, and SS.. Nicholas and Valentine intercede
for men. St. Anthony of Padua is often invoked by people of either sex trying
to find a spouse -- and once you do find someone to marry, remember that
St. Agnes and St. Valentine are the Saints for engaged couples. St. Elizabeth
of Hungary is the patroness of widows and widowers.
See also
St. John Chrysostom's Homily XX on Ephesians
V.
Footnotes:
1
Divorce in a sacramental sense is impossible; once one is sacramentally married,
one is sacramentally married until the death of the spouse. However, a civil
divorce may be attained in cases requiring separation for legal or physical
protection. That is, as an example, a sacramentally married woman may civilly
divorce an abusive husband and become legally unmarried, but she is still
sacramentally married in the eyes of God and may not remarry until he dies.
2
Regarding the verse:
And I say to you,
that whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication [Greek:
porneia], and shall marry another, committeth adultery [Greek: moicheia]:
and he that shall marry her that is put away, committeth adultery [Greek:
moicheia].
"Porneia" here
means unlawful sexual intercourse between two unmarried persons, i.e.,
"fornication"; it does not refer to sex between a married person and someone
who is not his or her spouse, which is "adultery" -- "moicheia" in the Greek.
"Porneia" and "moicheia" are two different words for two different concepts.
In referring to "porneia," Jesus is referring those things that constitute
impediments and make a marriage unlawful, and to understand His meaning,
you must know something about Jewish law.
During Jewish betrothal, a couple was considered legally bound and even taxed
together (Luke 2:5), i.e., a betrothal, or kuddushin, was "an actual
but incomplete marriage" (Jewish Encyclopedia). After 12 months, the groom
would take his bride home in a rite called "home-taking" (nisuin),
after which their fully married life began. A man, though, could leave his
betrothed during the year of betrothal and before their public marriage by
getting a bill of divorcement (get) as long as the marriage wasn't
consummated -- the reason why, some believe that, per Jewish law, Our Lady
was almost "put away" privately by St. Joseph, a "just man" who was not "willing
to expose her" (Matthew 1:18-19) when he didn't want her to be shamed for
being pregnant before their "home-taking."
In other contexts, "porneia" also refers: to concubinage, which isn't a marriage
at all (cf John 4:5-19), and to the prohibition of marriage within certain
degrees of kinship (which would make a marriage merely putative), as it is
used in Leviticus 18 and I Corinthians 5:1.
Bottom line, St.
Matthew was writing to Jewish audience, who would have been aware of betrothal
issues. St. Mark wrote to Gentiles and puts the matter of divorce in a true
sacramental marriage plainly in Mark 10:11-12: "And he saith to them: Whosoever
shall put away his wife and marry another committeth adultery against her.
And if the wife shall put away her husband and be married to another, she
committeth adultery."
St. Paul reaffirms this in I Corinthians 7:10-11: "But to them that are married,
not I, but the Lord, commandeth that the wife depart not from her husband.
And if she depart, that she remain unmarried or be reconciled to her husband.
And let not the husband put away his wife."
3
Modest wedding
gowns and bridesmaids' dresses are getting hard to find. Here are two sources,
though they are not Catholic:
Beautifully Modest Wedding Gowns and Formal Dresses
Latter Day Bride
modest wedding gowns
|
|
